It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons.
~ Johann Schiller
Almost a week later, instead of waking up blissfully in Edward's arms like I'd grown used to doing, I woke up alone in an empty bed to the sound of Edward's angry voice hissing at someone I couldn't see.
"It's not about the fucking money!" he growled. "I couldn't give a shit about that. It's the fucking principle of it all."
I startled at the sound of him slamming his hand against the wall, but was too scared to roll over and try and see what was going on. It couldn't have been Marcus he was talking to; I'd seen them together a lot while we were here, and they seemed to have a genuine friendship going on. Marcus had even managed to find a way to allow us to stay here longer, so I knew the malice in Edward's voice would never be directed at him.
"Oh, that's rich." He laughed bitterly. "Do you really think I care about that now?" A pause. "You really think you're the center of the fucking universe, don't you? Well, I've got news for you, Carlisle. You're not; you're just one tiny fucking speck. This is so much bigger than you, than all of us."
My eyes widened in shock at Edward's harsh tone, and I couldn't stop myself from rolling over to see what was going on any longer.
"Don't you fucking dare start about Bella," he spat. "You don't get to talk about her. You don't even get to say her name in my presence, you hear me? You don't deserve to know such an amazing woman, let alone have her fret and worry about you and seek your approval all the damn time."
I quietly got out of bed, then debated about whether or not I should go over to him.
"No, I won't be quiet, sir. You have no claim over me anymore. You left me to fucking rot in this hell… Damn straight, you're gonna compensate me. And Bella, too, just for being such an asshole all the time."
Oh, shit.
"Do I care about her?" he asked incredulously. "Of course I fucking care about her; I love her. And she loves me, too, so don't you dare accuse me of-"
My mouth fell open in shock.
Edward scoffed. "And what would you know about love that doesn't involve your own reflection?"
I cringed.
"You know what, Carlisle? Fuck you, fuck your job, and fuck your shitty rules," Edward hissed. "I am done."
He closed the phone with a snap, his hands clenching into fists, then threw the phone at the wall to his right before kicking the wall in front of him in frustration.
"Edward…"
"FUCK!" he hissed, stilling his movements and leaning his forehead against the wall, visibly shaking with all the pent up anger that was inside him, just begging to be released.
"It's okay," I assure him as I rushed over to comfort him, catching myself before I could actually touch him; I had no idea how he'd react if I did.
"Bella," he ground out. "Go into the bathroom."
"No," I replied, shaking my head even though I knew he couldn't see me. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Bella, please," he begged.
"It's okay, Edward," I said softly as I slowly reached out and touched his shoulder. He shuddered at my touch, so I closed the distance between us and pressed myself against his back, wrapping my arms tightly around him.
"I love you," I whispered. "You can let go now, baby."
"He fucking…" he croaked, then slammed his fist against the wall again. My heart broke for him; four years of pent up anger couldn't have been easy to handle, and I knew it had been growing worse ever since I'd phoned Carlisle the first night we were here – knowing the person who'd caused him so much misery was only a phone call away must have magnified everything.
"Baby, look at me," I pleaded softly. He shook his head, so I tried to force myself between him and the wall, cupping his cheek in my hand. "Look at me."
He did so reluctantly, his jaw tight beneath my hand.
"I love you," I told him again, then leaned in to kiss him, barely just a brush of lips at first, and when he didn't react, I pressed my lips to his just a little harder, but that just made him try and pull away all together.
"No, don't do that," I said firmly, forcing him to look at me again. "I know you're beyond pissed, and I know it's bubbling away like acid inside you, so let it go. Don't hold it in anymore." I pushed myself up on my tiptoes and leaned in to kiss him again. "Take it out on me. Use me. I don't care, just as long as it makes that pain go away."
"Bella." I wasn't sure if it was a protest, an encouragement, or simply a statement.
"Use me," I repeated, then pressed my lips against his in a lingering kiss before lowering my voice to a whisper, "Use my body, use anything you need, and know that I love you and won't hold it against you."
He shook his head stiffly.
"I like it a little rough, remember?" I told him softly, trying to bait him. I knew what I was doing probably wasn't the best of ideas, but if it would stop him from drowning in this pool of hatred he was in, it'd be worth it. "You won't hurt me; we both know you wouldn't be able to let yourself."
He was reluctant - that much was obvious – but I decided to give it one more shot before I gave up and tried something new.
"Baby…" I reached up for his hand, which was still pressing against the wall, then guided it down to my hair and threaded his fingers through it, trying to make him realize what I was asking him for. "Take it out on me."
Then, ever so slowly, I felt his hand curl into a fist in my hair, felt his lips start to respond to my insistent ones until, without warning, he pushed me hard against the wall and used my hair to bring my lips to his, his grip almost painfully tight.
"Yes," I encouraged, smiling as I reached out and tugged his hips towards mine. "Come on, baby."
He was pressed against me now, and I could feel his entire body shaking as he pinned me against the wall, his lips almost bruising mine with their force. Part of me was almost frightened in this position – not of him in particular, just the general situation – but I knew without a doubt that Edward could never physically harm me, even in the state he was at that moment.
Suddenly, he reached down with one hand and hitched my leg up against his hip, almost lifting me off the ground in the process. At first, I struggled to remain balanced on one foot, but then his other hand moved down and did the same to my other leg, leaving me completely dependant on him for support.
I'd realized he'd put on some jeans before his phone call, but until that moment, I hadn't really taken any notice of anything else, so it was a big shock when I felt the cool buckle of his belt against my bare skin, and I couldn't stop myself from hissing in a sharp breath at the contrast in temperature.
Edward's response was immediate; he froze.
"It's okay," I assured him, cupping his cheeks in my hands again as I kissed his lips softly and gazed into his eyes. "I love you."
It was like a light suddenly flickered to life behind his eyes.
"Bella…" he choked out, and then my feet were back on the ground and Edward was hurrying over to the bathroom with a horrified expression on his face.
"Oh, fuck," I muttered as I ran after him, but he slammed and locked the door before I had a chance to stop him. "Edward!"
I could hear him talking to himself inside the bathroom, and cursed myself for pushing him too far. It was times like this that I hated the fact we still didn't know each other inside out yet; although we'd done a lot of talking while we'd been here and knew an awful lot about each other, I still wasn't sure how to handle certain situations where he was involved.
"Baby, please open the door," I pleaded. "I'm okay, Edward, I promise. I was just surprised your belt was so cold, that's all."
No response.
"I love you, Edward." I pressed my hands against the door, wishing it would disappear beneath them. "I know you're hurting, baby. I'm so sorry."
Still nothing.
"Please let me in," I begged. "Please, Edward. I need to know you're okay."
Silence.
"I'll kick the door down if I have to," I warned him, because I really would if it came to it.
When he still didn't reply, the tears which had been welling in my eyes spilled down my cheeks, but I forced myself to remain silent. This wasn't about me; it was about him.
"I, uh…" I cleared my throat. "I guess…" My thoughts flickered back to what had happened after we'd been together for the second time, and I wasn't the one he wanted to help him. "Um… Do you want me to get Didyme?"
A pause, then a cracked, "No."
A breathed a sigh of relief, grateful for the confirmation that he could hear me.
"Okay, baby. I'll just, uh… I'll be out here if you need m-" I caught myself, knowing I was probably the last person he needed right then. "I'll be out here."
I waited a few moments, even though I knew he wouldn't reply, then sighed softly before pressing my forehead against the door and whispering a final, "I love you."
With great effort, I forced myself to move away from the door, then slowly walked over to the closet and got dressed, suddenly feeling cold and exposed without any clothes on. Once I was done, I picked the phone up from the floor and grimaced when I realized it had come apart.
As I walked over to the bed again, I tried to reassemble it as best I could, then flipped it open and pressed the power button. By some minor miracle, it turned on, and I frowned when a message popped up telling me I had a missed call from a number that looked familiar but I couldn't quite place.
Before I had the chance to call the person back, the phone started to ring, from a withheld number this time. I hesitated. If it was Carlisle ringing…
Fuck.
I took a deep breath, then answered the call and held the phone up to my ear.
"Hello?"
I heard muffled whispering on the other line, and felt a jolt of fear rush up my spine. What if someone was trying to trace the call or had found out who I really was?
But something told me it wasn't anything bad, so I decided to give it one more try.
"Hello?"
A pause.
"Mommy?"
My throat dried up, my eyes went wide, and my heart seemed to freeze mid-beat.
"Momma Alice, she's not sayin' anything."
More muffled voices.
"Mommy, are you there?"
Everything seemed to rush at me at once, and I barely managed to get out a garbled, "Mmm."
I cleared my throat, then tried again. "Yeah, Jake, I'm here."
"You ignored me," he accused. I could picture the little furrow of his brows so clearly in my mind as he spoke, it made tears rush to my eyes.
"I'm sorry, baby," I murmured, moving over to the bedside table and grabbing a tissue from the box. "I was just surprised, that's all."
He giggled. "Mommy, you're so silly."
"I know!" I agreed, wiping my eyes. "What are we going to do with me, eh?"
"I'm gonna come get you and make you wear the silly hat!" he replied. I smiled sadly and closed my eyes, relishing in the sound of his voice.
"When are you coming home, Mommy?" he wanted to know. "Momma Alice an' Papa Jasper miss you, but I miss you the mostest."
"Oh, sweetheart, I miss you too," I told him, feeling more tears spill down my cheeks at his words. "I'll be home as soon as I can, baby."
"You promise?" He sounded so sad in that moment, my heart wanted to break.
"Mhmm," I mumbled, clearing my throat again as I wiped my eyes.
"It's not a promise unless you say it out loud," he complained. "Mommy, you need to say it."
I took a deep breath. "Jake, I promise I'll be home as soon as I can."
"'Kay," he sighed, placated.
"Um…" I glanced down at my feet, debating whether or not I should say the words at the tip of my tongue or not. "Baby, when I come home, would it be okay if I brought someone with me?"
"Is she your friend?" he asked, sounding wary.
The problem Jake sometimes had was the fact he found it hard to adjust to new people when they were first introduced into his life, so I hoped that by giving him time to process Edward's existence ahead of time, it'd be much easier for him when they finally met. If they finally met, of course; after my major screw up earlier, I wouldn't be surprised if Edward wanted nothing more to do with me.
"Uh, his name is Edward, honey, and he's my very special friend," I told him, cringing slightly at the last part. I'd never been forced to have this conversation with him before, and doing it on the phone was a lot harder than it seemed to have been for Alice when she explained her relationship with Jasper to him.
"Like Papa Jasper and Momma Alice?" he wondered, seeming to have warmed up to the idea already. Thank you, Alice.
"Yup, exactly like that," I replied.
"Then I guess it's okay," he finally sighed. "But, Mommy?"
"Yes, baby?"
"What do I call him?" I startled at the feel of warm arms sliding around my waist, then gasped when lips pressed against my neck. Edward.
"Uh…" I hadn't even heard him leave the bathroom. How much had he heard?
"I love you," Edward murmured, then kissed my neck once more before moving past me to access the drawers under the bedside table and pull out a pair of boxers.
"Mommy?"
I shook my head, trying to refocus my attention on Jake. "Um, sorry, Jake, what did you say?"
"I said, what do I call him?" Jake repeated impatiently.
"You can, uh…" Edward pulled his boxers on, then turned to face me with an indecipherable expression on his face. "You can call him whatever you want, baby."
"Is he gonna be my daddy?" Jake asked. God, I hope so.
"I don't know, baby, but for now, you can just call him Edward." It was awkward, having this conversation when Edward was standing in front of me, but he didn't seem to mind; he just sat on the bed and watched me.
"Okay," Jake agreed, and then I heard more mumbling in the background. "Momma Alice says I gotta go now."
So soon?
"Okay, sweetheart," I replied, then swallowed hard to try and dislodge the sudden lump in my throat. "I'll, uh…" I trailed off. "I'll see you soon then, okay?"
"Like you promised?"
"Like I promised," I swore, turning away from Edward to hide my tears.
"I love you, Mommy." I clamped my eyes shut, holding the phone even tighter in my hand.
"I love you too, baby," I whispered. I love you so fucking much.
"Bye!"
No, no, no, no, no. Stay…
"Bye…"
The line went dead.
"Bella?" I heard the bed shift behind me, and then Edward was standing in front of me, but I couldn't see him clearly thanks to the tears that were running freely down my face.
"Oh, baby," he murmured, and I felt his hand close around mine as the other gently pried the phone from my grasp and shut it.
"I just…" Oh, my God. "I just spoke to Jake."
Edward nodded. "Are you okay?"
I shook my head, then let my eyes fall shut briefly when his hand moved to cup my cheek before forcing myself to look up at him through teary eyes.
"I thought…" My voice broke, and I had to take a few seconds to calm myself down again. "I thought I was losing you, and…" I barely managed to stifle a sob. "Now it feels like I just lost my son."
"Come here," he whispered, moving his free hand to my hip and gently tugging me closer. "C'mere."
With an embarrassingly loud sob, I let Edward embrace me in his arms and held him tightly to me, clinging onto him like he was my only life raft in this sea of emotion I was suddenly drowning in.
"I'm sorry," I croaked out. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to… I never wanted to-"
"Shhh," he breathed, gently kissing my temple. "Never apologize for trying to help me; it wasn't you that… I was just so angry, Bella, and I'm so used to dealing with it on my own that I just…" He sighed. "God, baby, I love you."
"I love you, too," I whispered, then just let him hold me for a while until I'd finally calmed down before leaning back from his embrace and gazing up at him.
"Do you want to talk about…?" he asked softly. I shook my head, smiling sadly.
"Later," I promised. "Do you need to talk?"
He hesitated a moment, thinking it over. "I don't need to, no, but I should probably explain why I went off like th-"
"You went off like that because you've had an awful lot of anger inside of you for years, and the man responsible for a significant proportion of it was only a phonecall away, so when you finally made contact with him, you couldn't hold it in any longer and had to vent that anger out. Said person probably made matters worse, so you finally told him exactly what you thought of him and made the brave choice to tell him how we feel about each other, then told him to go fuck himself." Edward smiled as I spoke, so I knew I was dead on. "Then I turned up, and you were pissed at yourself for losing control and the rage still hasn't quite left you yet, so when I started trying to make you feel better by allowing you to get a little forceful with me…" I ducked my head in shame. That was such a stupid idea. "You felt guilty because you thought I was in pain, then got even more pissed at yourself and wanted to be alone for a while." I lifted my head again. "Am I close?"
He nodded.
"Then no, you shouldn't explain it, because I already know," I told him softly, then smiled weakly when he leaned in and placed a lingering kiss against my lips.
"I love you," he breathed, then kissed me again, a little deeper this time. "I'm sorry I told Carlisle."
"I'm not," I assured him, sliding my hands up his chest. "I'm not ashamed of us, Edward, you know that. It doesn't matter to me that you were the one who told him; he knows now, and that's that."
"But if he fires y-"
I cut him off with a kiss. "Baby, we spoke about this. As long as we're together and I have Jake, nothing else matters. I don't care about his politics anymore, and if he fires me… Well, then he fires me."
"Bella…" He looked conflicted, but I could tell he was excited and relieved at the news. Although we'd spoken about this at length, I'd never really come to a decision about my future with The Agency. Not out loud, anyway.
"Edward," I sighed, pressing my hand against his heart. It was racing. "Even if he doesn't fire me, I won't be going back there."
His eyes widened slightly. "You don't have to do that… because of me."
"You're right," I replied. Fear flashed across his face. "I have to do it for me. Carlisle… He isn't the man I once thought he was; he's better off as a surrogate father figure for me, not my boss. After what happened with you… I just don't want to put my life on the line for him and know that he may just never bother coming for me. I used to believe he would, no matter what the cost, but now… Well, I just don't think I belong there anymore."
Edward nodded noncommittally; I could tell he was trying to avoid influencing me, even though I could tell he wanted to, and the realization made me smile. Didn't he realize how much him being in my life influenced my every decision now?
"Besides…" I glanced down at his chest, blushing slightly. "If I went back, how would we build our house and, uh…" Say it, Bella. Say the words. "Start our family?"
"If you wanted to go back, we'd make it work," he promised, though it was obvious that wasn't what he wanted to happen. "We could wait to start…" His voice seemed to catch in his throat. We'd discussed our house and starting a family before, but I'd never directly told him that was what I wanted until now. "To start our family."
"No, we couldn't." I shook my head. "We can't just put that on hold, even if I did want to go back there. We are too important, Edward. I've chosen to spend my life with you… So why wait any longer to live it?"
"I…" He sighed softly, gazing into my eyes. "I love you."
"I know you do," I murmured, then cupped his cheeks in my hands. "And I love you, too."
Letting my eyes fall shut, I pushed myself up on my toes and pressed my lips to his, then gasped when he suddenly pulled me tightly against him and deepened our kiss. I relaxed in his arms, then moaned softly when he lifted me up and carried me over to the bed. He sat down with me in his lap, slipping his hands beneath my shirt to stroke my back, then gradually slowed our kissing to a stop, though it seemed to take a lot of effort on his part to do so.
"So, uh… We're good?" he asked nervously, pressing his forehead against mine.
"Almost," I murmured, then looped my arms around his neck and gently threaded my fingers through his hair. "I don't think we've finished makingup yet."
"Oh, you don't?" he teased lightly as he raised his head and grinned at me.
"Mmm…" I mumbled, glancing over to the bedside table briefly to try and look at the clock. "What time is it?"
"A little after five," he replied. "So don't worry; we have plenty of time. Marcus has something to give to us before we go, anyway, so we don't even have to worry about packing yet."
My stomach rumbled as he spoke, and I groaned internally; I'd been sick a few days before, and my appetite had become more than a little unpredictable. Stomach, can't you just wait a little while longer?
"Hungry, baby?" Edward murmured softly, looking down at my stomach. I blushed, then nodded.
"Since it's so early… Do we have time to order breakfast in bed without having to worry about sacrificing our… make up time?" I tried not to look as hopeful as I felt, but Edward's smirk let me know I'd failed. Miserably. "Please?"
"I'll go get the menu," he sighed, teasingly rolling his eyes. I grabbed hold of his wrist to stop him from moving.
"Ah, ah, ah," I chided, shaking my head. "My stomach can wait."
His eyebrow arched in response, but he stopped trying to reach for the menu straight away. I moved my hands to the front of my shirt and slowly started to unbutton it. "But I don't think this can."
Edward exhaled a shaky breath, and his gaze fixed on my breasts, which were now barely concealed by the fabric. I smiled.
"I think it's time we kissed and made up… Don't you?"
He groaned, moving to push my shirt off my shoulders. "Yes."
And we did.
Several times over.
"Room service!"
I lifted my head from Edward's chest and sighed.
"I'll go," he murmured softly. We'd ordered lunch barely half an hour ago, but I'd been feeling a bit queasy ever since breakfast, and even though I hadn't actually said that out loud, Edward somehow seemed to know anyway.
"Hurry back," I half-joked, then pressed my lips to his in a slow, deep kiss before rolling off of him. He smiled at me as he climbed out of bed, and I watched as he pulled on his discarded boxers from earlier before walking over to the door and opening it.
"I'll take it in, don't worry," he told whoever was on the other side.
"Okay, Sir. I also have a delivery for you from Mr. O'Bryant?" It was a woman, of course, and she sounded young, but I didn't care; she could have rubbed herself all over him, and I'd have still known who his heart belonged to.
"Bella?" Edward called out. "Can you come and take this for me?"
I hesitated a moment, then got out of bed and hastily wrapped the sheet around myself before padding over to the door, making sure I was shielded by Edward's body.
"What is it?" I asked. He turned to face me with a smile on his face and handed me a large, heavy package. I had no idea what was inside, but knew I'd soon find out, so didn't press.
"Thank you, baby," he said softly, then leaned in to kiss me briefly before turning back to the woman.I stole a glance at her over Edward's shoulder, and was surprised when I didn't recognize her.
"Francis not in today?" I wondered out loud, frowning. Francis was the one who usually provided room service for us, but I had seen other staff members during our stay. This woman right here, however, I'd never seen before.
"No, she is," New Woman replied, "but Mr. O'Bryant requested that I deliver the, uh… package to you personally."
"Right…" Suspicious now, I took a closer look at what she was wearing; nothing with any obvious logos, no distinct features… "I-"
"Baby?" I looked up at Edward, whose face was extremely calm. Did he know her? "You can go back to bed now. Be careful with the package, okay?"
I hesitated again, searching his face for any sign that something was wrong, then, upon finding nothing, nodded reluctantly and kissed him briefly before heading back over to the bed and carefully placing the package down onto it. I heard Edward talking to the woman quietly for a short while, and had just dropped the sheet to the floor, ready to get dressed, when I felt him grip my hips from behind and kiss my shoulder.
"Don't get dressed on my account," he murmured as he trailed his lips up to my neck.
"Everything okay?" I asked quietly, moving my hands down to cover his.
"Yup." He nuzzled my neck, then took a step back. "Wanna see our present?"
"Um… Okay?" I was uncertain still, but I knew Edward would never do anything to put me in harm's way, so I followed him back to the bed and sat down beside him as he pulled the package onto his lap and began to open it.
"Lingerie?" I looked at him incredulously once the first layer peeled back and revealed a box with the distinct logo of a lingerie brand on it. "Why the fuck is Marcus buying me lingerie?"
"Didn't I tell you? We're putting you up on stage with Nettie tonight once we get back," he replied. My mouth fell open in horrified shock. "Aro's getting pissy, thinking you're not paying your way, so we're going to make you do a strip tease for Senator Stan-"
I smacked his chest and growled at him. "That wasn't funny!"
He laughed loudly, then leaned in to kiss me. "Sorry, baby, but your face…"
I let our lips meet, but didn't respond with as much enthusiasm as usual, trying to get my point across. It wasn't until he took my bottom lip between both of his that I finally reacted, but before he had the chance to mistake the moan for a surrender, I pulled away and prompted, "The package."
Edward rolled his eyes, then lifted the lid of the box.
"Holy shit," I gasped, completely stunned. "How the fuck did you get him to bring you those?"
"I knew we might need some back-up, and I've been wanting a new one for ages anyway, so when he offered…" He shrugged.
"Can I…?" I gestured to the box, and the moment he nodded, I picked out one of the Glock 19s from the box and grinned. "Extended magazines, too?"
"Of course," he replied, smiling. "Just in case."
"Couldn't we have just grabbed these from the weapons store back at the compound?" I wondered as turned the gun over in my hand, feeling its familiar weight and shape.
"They'd have to be documented if we did that, and it'd look suspicious," he pointed out. "That's what the lingerie box was for; we can hide them in the closet this way."
"Do you think he suspects…?" I trailed off, knowing he didn't need me to finish my sentence.
"I don't know," he sighed, frowning. "But he won't say anything if he does."
"How can you be sure?" I carefully put the gun back in the box, then turned to face him. "Edward, I… I don't want to walk into a trap."
He placed the box on the floor, then cupped my cheek in his hand. "Baby, think about it… If Marcus suspected anything, would he really be stupid enough to give us these?"
"Maybe. I don't know. I'm just…" I teared up, then cursed under my breath, pulling away from him so I could try and calm myself.
"Oh, baby," he breathed, reaching out and taking my hand.
"Sorry," I mumbled. "I don't know why I'm so-" I cut myself off. Liar. "I don't want to lose you."
"You won't lose me," he said softly. "Even if anything does happen…"
He could die. He could be tortured. He could be injured. We could get separated…
"Edward…" I muttered, feeling even queasier than before.
"No, baby, listen to me, okay? You're in here-" He pressed his hand over his heart. "- now. For good."
"But you could…" I trailed off as images bombarded my mind; Edward crumpled on the floor with a bullet through his head, Edward being tortured, Edward drowning, dying, crying… Edward-
My stomach lurched.
I shot up off the bed faster than even I thought I could, then ran into the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet in time to throw up.
"Shit," I heard Edward mutter, and then I felt him crouch down behind me and pull my hair out the way as I was sick a second time.
"Sorry," I managed to croak, and once I was sure my stomach was empty, I flushed the toilet and shut the lid before letting my forehead drop down to rest against it.
"Do you want me to get Didyme?" he murmured softly. I shook my head once, then sighed when he slid his hands beneath my top and rubbed slow, soothing circles on my lower back.
"Feels nice," I whispered. Edward leaned forward and kissed the top of my spine.
"We should probably get you back in bed," he suggested. "Do you think you can stand?"
"Yeah," I mumbled, then took a few moments to refocus before pushing myself to my feet and shuffling over to the sink to brush my teeth.
"I…" Edward hesitated. "Baby, I think… I'm going to get Didyme."
"Edward, I'm-"
"You're not fine," he cut across before I had the chance to say it. "Bella, this is the third time you've been sick since we got here."
"It's just some bug, most probably," I told him, rinsing out my mouth several times before drying it on a towel. "But you can get her if it'll make you feel better."
He smiled gratefully.
"You go get into bed, okay? I'll be back in a sec," he said softly, then stepped closer and leaned in to kiss me. I turned my head away from him.
"I've just been sick," I reminded him. He shrugged.
"You just brushed your teeth, too," he murmured, then cupped my cheeks in his hands and pressed his lips to mine briefly. "See you in a minute."
I smiled weakly as I watched him walk out the bathroom, then sighed loudly. I needed to get my act together or my nerves would get the better of me. This was why falling in love with a colleague was against the rules; people often lost their cool. But I wouldn't be one of those people. All I needed to do was build the walls Edward had smashed through back up so I could separate the job from our relationship. The only difference this time would be that Edward was no longer on the 'job' half of the wall.
I turned back to the sink and grabbed my hairbrush from the shelf, quickly tying my hair up and out of my face before brushing my teeth once more for good measure. Once I was feeling fresher, I headed back to bed and switched the TV on, selecting some random music channel just to pass the time.
It didn't take long for Edward to return with Didyme, and I smiled at them both as they approached the bed.
"Hey," I said softly.
"Bella," Didyme greeted, smiling back at me. Edward moved to my side and sat down next to me on the bed, instantly reaching for my hand. "Edward said you've been sick?"
"Yeah," I replied, squeezing his hand. "But I don't feel so bad now – it's probably just a bug."
She nodded noncommittally, then started her equipment out her bag. "I'm going to check you over just in case, alright? Sit up for me."
She checked my temperature and gave me a general once over, then assured us that everything was relatively normal.
"Just a slight fever, so you may be right about the bug," she told us, smiling reassuringly at Edward, who sighed with relief. "You'll need to stay hydrated, and even if you don't feel like eating, make sure you eat little and often, okay?"
"Sure," I agreed. Didyme hesitated a moment.
"Edward, would you excuse us for just a second, please?" she asked, keeping her tone casual. Edward frowned. "It's nothing serious, I just want to ask Bella something real quick."
"Alright." He kissed me briefly, then got up off the bed. "Call me when you're ready."
"Will do," I promised, smiling. He headed into the bathroom, and once we heard the door shut, Didyme turned to me with a carefully blank expression.
"Have you been taking the birth control pills at night?" she asked.
"Um… Yeah?"
"At the same time each day?"
"Of course. Why?" I wondered, frowning.
"Just wondering," she replied. "And you haven't started your period yet?"
"No… But I'm not even halfway through the packet yet," I told her. Where was she going with this?
"Hmmm…" Her brow furrowed slightly.
"What is it?"
"You weren't feeling sick before you started taking the tablets, were you?"
I shook my head. "Nope. Why?"
"I was just wondering if maybe the tablets could be causing the sickness," she replied. "I mean, there's another possibility, but it's highly unlikely…"
"Okay…" I tried to prompt. She looked a little lost in thought for a few moments, then changed topic.
"Well, we can either change out your brand and try a new tablet to see what happens, or you could stop taking it for now and switch to condoms instead, perhaps." She shrugged. "It's up to you."
"What would work in the shortest space of time?"
"Stopping the tablets altogether would give your body time to adjust itself again, but trying another brand could work as well. The downside to stopping the tablets would be having to use condoms, so you'd have a little less… freedom. Just do whatever feels best for you," she said softly.
Condoms or possibly feel sick as fuck…
"I'll talk about it with Edward first, but I think maybe stopping them?" I frowned. "I don't know. What do you think?"
"I'd say stop them altogether," she advised. "Especially since there's a risk you may continue to be sick, and if you'd only recently taken the tablet, that would compromise you."
"Okay, um… So, say I stop taking the tablets…" I trailed off. "What if that doesn't stop the sickness?" She looked confused. "I mean, you said there's another possibility…"
"Oh, uh…" She smiled reassuringly, but I could sense it was partially forced. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it." She got off the bed and began to pack her stuff. "Let me know how things go, okay? If you still feel sick in a few days' time, give me a call."
"Will do," I assured her. "Should I…" I gestured to the bathroom.
"Yeah, of course," she replied. "He's probably panicking in there."
I smiled weakly, then got out of bed and hurried to the bathroom. I only needed to knock once before Edward was opening the door and pulling me into his arms.
"I'm okay, baby," I swore, kissing his neck.
"What did she… I mean, you don't have to tell m-"
"Shhh," I soothed as I stroked his hair and held him closer. "Stop worrying; she just wanted to talk to me about birth control."
"That's what's causing this?" He sounded surprised and guilty all at once.
"Maybe," I replied with a shrug, then leaned back and cupped his cheeks in my hands. "We'll talk about it in a bit, okay?"
"Sorry I was so…"
"It's okay," I assured him. "I'd take knowing you worry and care about me over you not giving a shit any day."
He nodded, then kissed me briefly before looking over my shoulder at something. I followed his gaze, and was surprised to find Didyme gazing at the box that concealed the weapons with a strange half-smile on her face. She looked up at us both, her smile becoming fuller and softer, then grabbed her bag before walking over to us.
"I'll see you both later." She kissed us both on the cheek, then pressed something into Edward's hand. "The tank should be full."
"Uh… Thanks, Di," he replied, frowning.
"You're welcome." She smiled, then gave us one last lingering look before turning to leave. "Talk to you soon."
"Bye," I said softly, and as I watched her go, I felt Edward tense beside me. But then the door clicked shut, and a strange sense of… finality settle over us.
"What was that about?" I turned to face Edward as I continued, "It was almost like she was…" I frowned. "Edward?"
He was staring down at his hand with an indecipherable expression, and when I followed his gaze, I understood why.
"Are those…"
"The keys to Marcus' SUV," he confirmed flatly. Coldness seeped into my bones.
"She knows," I surmised, looking up at his face again.
He nodded. "And she's giving us a chance to escape undetected."
"Why would she…" I trailed off as I thought back to the time I'd spent with her, and things seemed to fall into place. "She always did seem too… genuine."
"She's not from any agency," Edward murmured. "But she and Marcus have been wanting out for a while now. Maybe they… I don't know."
"What are you thinking?" I asked softly, bringing my hand up to his cheek to try and coax him into looking up at me. After a moment, he did.
"I'm thinking that…" He shook his head. "I'm thinking that I want to take this chance, and that I'm selfish for not thinking about Rosalie right now."
"We need her."
Regret, disappointment, and sadness flashed across his face as he briefly shut his eyes. "I know."
"And it'd be nice if she wasn't," I sighed, linking my fingers with his free ones. He squeezed them tightly. "Very."
I smiled sadly, then kissed him softly. "I love you."
"I love you, too," he murmured, then threw the keys in the general direction of the bed, almost as though tossing away the temptation to just pack up and run like hell. With a heavy sigh, he wrapped his arms tightly around me and buried his face in my neck. "We can't just leave her behind."
"No," I agreed, kissing his shoulder.
"I wish we could," he whispered. "All we'd need to do is…" He fisted his hands in my top, then slowly exhaled. "What did Didyme say about the birth control?"
I frowned at the sudden topic change, then realized he needed the distraction and pulled back from him so I could gaze into his eyes; I needed to read his reactions. "She thinks that if I stop taking the tablets, the nausea might stop, but if we don't want to do that, I can switch to another brand, which might also work."
"If you stop taking them…" He trailed off, looking pensive.
"We can use condoms?" I suggested. He frowned, then gazed down at my stomach as his fingers slowly trailed across it.
"And if we don't use condoms, there's a chance you might get pregnant?"
I swallowed audibly. "Yeah."
He let out a long breath, still staring at my stomach, then shook his head and looked up at me again. "Then stop taking the pill."
I nodded, unsure of how I was meant to take that. Did he want to use condoms now? What if he didn't? Was I ready to take that step, to let the chips fall where they may?
"What about…" I trailed off, watching his reaction carefully.
"If you want to use condoms, we will. Otherwise…" He shrugged, gently stroking my stomach. "Maybe Jake will end up with a little brother or sister earlier than we planned."
It was statements like that which, to someone on the outside who didn't know what it was like to be in our situation, would have seemed daunting. But to me… To me, it just solidified our future together in my mind, and instead of seeming scary or weird, it was a relief to hear him say things like that.
Did I want to have Edward's child one day? God, yes.
Was I ready to risk having one now?
I smiled. "He really wants a little brother."
The relief on his face was palpable as he pulled me into a hug, but then he pulled back and his expression became more serious, like something had just dawned on him.
"We're gonna be together at the end of all this, right?"
I frowned.
"I'm not going to leave you, Edward, no matter wha-" I began, but he cut me off.
"No, I mean… You're not going to do anything stupid, are you?" He looked genuinely worried, and as much as I wanted to promise him nothing would happen and we'd both be okay, I couldn't bring myself to lie to him like that.
"Baby…" I kissed him softly, trying to reassure him as much as possible. "I won't do anything that I don't have to."
"You swear?"
I nodded. "I swear."
That promise, at least, I knew I could keep.
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