Hey, guys.
Sorry it's been so long. I know a lot of you are pissed/disappointed/have given up with HIYA's lack of update in ages. I am too, but it turns out that putting yourself through university at home is tougher than it seems, especially when you decide to do the 6 year route in 4.
Assignments are usually really close together for the two courses I'm doing this year, and as one of them is advanced creative writing, I end up focusing all my energy, creative and otherwise, into getting them in on time.
Another particularly big change is seeing my big brother join Sandhurst, the British Royal Military Academy. He's been there since September, and it's like this gigantic, gaping wound has opened in my family because of it. I miss him beyond words, and it's tough to cope at times because it hurts so bad. I haven't felt in the right place to write something optimistic and hopeful like I intend HIYA to be when a lot of the time I feel like crying whenever I think of him. Apparently, my brain is already grieving him, even though he's not been deployed anywhere yet, but I can't shut out the thought of him being maimed or injured somewhere. I'm clearly not a true soldier's sister.
I am trying to get past this block, though, and have been working on an update very slowly. It's just difficult.
Most of my readers are understanding and supportive, and I thank you for that, but I understand it's a bit shitty to read something only to be left hanging.
Just thought I'd give you a little update so you know the situation.
Apologies again, but know I am trying.
Sophie xx
I had thought about you not too long ago. Your followers should understand, I do.
ReplyDeleteThoughts and prayers extend to your brother. I was a soldier's wife, and there aren't any words I can give you to offer comfort. You have to come to terms with it on your own, no matter how long the road is to get there.
Take your time. You have to take care of YOU. We will be here. We only long to see an update because we love it so much bb.
God, that must have been so hard for you - I can't imagine having this happen with my other half being the one to go. I think I'd probably lose it. It's difficult to come to terms with, especially when I detest the whole concept of war. Feels a bit like he might die for no reason, you know?
DeleteThank you very much for your support. You're always there and your comments make me smile, so I really appreciate hearing it from you :-)
Hope you're doing well xx
It is never easy. Ever. But our job is to support our loved ones in something they desire to do. Not necessarily to question why they like it, I guess that is why they say to love unconditionally. It is not easy for them either, not by a long shot.
DeleteHubs got out in 1991 and although he has a full time job, he has also been a volunteer firefighter for the past 19 years. So he went from being paid to protect, to volunteering. It is still the same thing. They have a selfless need to serve others and I have a selfless need to be proud to call him hubs.
That is about the best advice I can give. Learn to love and support selfless just as your brother does and not necessarily question his whole moral reasons to do so.
Take care bb. I will be here when you grace us with an update.
I suppose that's how I need to think about it - it's something he wants, has wanted for over a decade, and I know he's damn good at it from what people I know in the Combined Cadet Force have said and what his higher ups at Sandhurst have expressed.
DeleteI think part of me is sort of saving up all the affection and love I can from him just in case, and that's something I need to stop, because otherwise I'll spend the time he is here preparing for a loss I may not even experience. I just need to focus on the good, and how proud I am of him, I think.
Thanks for your advice, hun. It's comforting to know that someone else knows a little bit about what it's like - makes me feel less psychotic.
Take care of yourself :) xxx
Soph, I just needed to check in and make sure you and your world were okay so the update from a little while ago was very much appreciated.
ReplyDeleteI am one of your unknown fans, another who is completely smitten with your words.
I had my own world come crashing down and the only way I could cope was to walk away from nearly everything that left me exposed...and fanfic was one of those elements I locked away.
Strangely enough, through my silence in reviewing your story (it stretched out into a space of over a year) I thought of you and your words SO often.
Anyway, just wanted you to know that even through your own struggles and battles, the words you pen and share with the world can be and have been lights in the darkness for strangers half a world away.
I love you for the stories you write.
As a fellow human, I wish for you happiness and strength and friendship and love.
So, in my own show of fan-fic friendship, and with the greatest respect and sincere apologies for my own reviewing silence, I say good luck with your studies. And prayers for your brother.
Angelique xx
I um... Yeah, I will straight up admit that this made me cry.
DeleteThank you so much for your words. I literally cannot describe how they made me feel, but thank you so much.
Don't apologise for the reviewing silence - believe me when I say that what you just wrote means more than any review every could.
Angelique... Thank you.
Sophie xxxx
Just stopping by since it had been awhile. Although I am across the ocean, I have thought about you several times this summer.
ReplyDeleteHope all is well, your spirits are lifting, and your emotion strength continues to grow more every day.
Missing you.....